Nobody expects the Spanish inquisition
I know you weren’t expecting a kind of Spanish Inquisition, on Halloween – but honestly, could there be a better day for rounding up heathens?
Jarring chord. The door flies open and Cardinal Ximinez of Spain enters, flanked by two junior cardinals. Cardinal Biggles has goggles pushed over his forehead. Cardinal Fang is just Cardinal Fang.
Ximinez Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise…surprise and fear…fear and surprise…. our two weapons are fear and surprise…and ruthless efficiency…. Our three weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency…and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope…. Our four…no… amongst our weapons…. amongst our weaponry…are such elements as fear, surprise…. I’ll come in again. (exit and exeunt)
Reg I didn’t expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.
Jarring chord. They burst in….
Ximinez Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, and nice red uniforms – oh damn! (to Biggles) I can’t say it, you’ll have to say it….
… Biggles I know…I know! Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. In fact, those who do expect…
Ximinez Our chief weapons are…
Biggles Our chief weapons are…um…er…
Ximinez Surprise.
Biggles Surprise and…
Ximinez Stop. Stop there! Stop there. Whew! Our chief weapon is surprise, blah, blah, blah, blah. Cardinal, read the charges.
Fang You are hereby charged that you did on diverse dates commit heresy against the Holy Church. My old man said follow the…
Biggles That’s enough. (to Lady Mountback) Now, how do you plead?
Lady Mountback We’re innocent.
Ximinez Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
(From Monty Python, episode 15)
Unfortunately, it has an enduring legacy. And now back to our regularly scheduled programming.
